As you know, I left my job in January. It was a scary thing to do, a leap of faith. And no matter how much I knew that I wanted to have time with my son- time that I wasn't getting by working the retail business- I also knew that I would need to have something for myself.
I am learning just how true that is.
I want this. I want to be at home with Walker and see his growth. I want to know when he napped, how long his naps were, what and when he ate. I want to know how many dirty diapers he had and what new things he learned each day.
So I left my job in order to become a stay-at-home-mother. I also mentioned to several people in several places that I wanted to start a photography business on the side. I wanted to start a studio and really pursue photography. I have been taking the NYIP photography course for the past two years but with marriage and a baby, have yet to finish it. So my goal is to complete that. I know that I need something for myself.
But I've been doing some deep thinking. And here is the conclusion I've come to:
I enjoy photography. I really do.
But I'm just not sure that I'm cut out to be a photographer. I love picking up my camera and capturing the stories I see around me. Capturing moments and emotions- things that could be classified as candid.
I don't like giving direction. It's not for me.
My dream job as a photographer would be to take candid photographs at events. I would love to be in the background and capture all of those feelings- the stories as I see them. That could be at birthday parties, weddings, a typical day at home...
So where does that leave me? I'm not sure.
I feel like I need to find my passion- that one thing that I love to do- something that gives me a goal to work towards. And I'm still working on that.
It seems to me that I've struggled with this issue for years. There are a lot of things that I am “good” at, but I want to find that one thing that I am “great” at. My passion.
More to come on this.
